; Cwyn's Death By Tea: 2013 Guafengzhai by Wymm Tea ;

The Very Limited T-Shirt for Cwyn's Tea Fund

Sunday, February 7, 2021

2013 Guafengzhai by Wymm Tea



Remember Wymm Tea? Been awhile since I thought of this vendor, and you probably never have. Wymm is on nobody's radar and just as well. In fact if a puerh tea doesn't fit your $10 wallet and cellar-ed taste, do feel free to run along now but maybe check out their mulberry puerh wrappers because Wymm Tea is one of the only places I know of in North America to buy thick puerh paper wrappers. I tossed a 15g sample of the 2013 Guafengzhai in my cart along with a re-up on puerh paper.


The last time I wrote about Wymm Tea their website conjured up for me an image of a female customer with nothing in her house and who never eats. Let's see where she is now, because the pandemic has done a number on her with gym closures. Her Botox has long worn off and she lets her hair go silver at the roots. She probably went back to Wymm not for the tea but for the music playlists to download and she can dream of traveling again later this year. Stuck in her house on Zoom calls she longs for a moment of a park bench with a masked stranger and maybe a remote controlled vibrator, as good as it gets anymore, unless she has a husband on a Peloton who mainly drinks coffee which he makes because he doesn't trust anyone with his equipment. Thank the stars for meditation and a hot shower because it works if nothing else. 


I think of her because she more than anyone needs this tea and 8 full grams of it. The sample, like her face in February, is a little dry but nothing a day in a steam room won't open up, if only just. Tea with a middle-aged Yiwu-ish bent is a gentle lull which requires shoving but of course she is pushy. Takes awhile to get going too but she is used to that. Wymm Teas don't offend with acrid factory dirt, never allowed in the house, not even from the dog. 


Five chocolate covered apricot steeps in are enough to melt the Westman Atelier foundation off her face and onto her lap where it oozes to the floor. She watches her lipstick liquify with some fascination, maybe the bitter cold outside adds to the dizziness of the tea except her mouth is finally hungry amidst a fifth steep of intense salivating. She doesn't remember eating except at Thanksgiving, so she nibbles a bit of cracker and fish which will ruin her palate for a few steeps. 


I personally doubt she can take more than five steeps of a tea like this, only the puerh fiend can go further for another five and more cranial novocaine. From one freak to another I ask you, do you merely enjoy your slurps or do you want something more from your tea? Yes, I do think about where I put $20 and I have a whole menu of things to drink here at my house. This is a gentle tea but not for fools. In fact, only the starkly minimal women of my imagination should drink this anyway, for nothing else except to float away a grey frigid dirty sick winter of small hopes in a Harrods bag. She certainly doesn't have better teas than this. I have, but at a higher price point still. How much will people pay to release tears? Then again, maybe she'd rather not or you would rather not. It depends on coping with cracks, or not cracking.


I will leave it for her to decide. 15g for $19, or 200g for $168. Wymm currently ships only to Canada and the US.





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