; Cwyn's Death By Tea: No-Buy Anxiety ;

Friday, February 28, 2020

No-Buy Anxiety

I haven't bought any puerh in a really long time. My last puerh buy is now out of memory. Of course I have plenty of puerh, but my hongcha is now down to a couple of beengs which are not too useful in the Teforia. Looseleaf in general is not useful in a Teforia because I have to clean out the infuser. I don't know why my house cleaner won't do it for me. I asked, and got a blank look and a refusal. So I don't want to do a major haul cuz puerh temptations, right, I paid $2.59 for this mashed box of Tazo tea bags. They taste okay. Well, truthfully they are horrible.

Can't count up the problems at the moment. I'm worried about the tea harvest, who will harvest the puerh tea and who will press it into disks so all is right with the world, but everything is just wrong, wrong, wrong. No one is talking about harvest 2020 and what it means??! First we have the virus messing up the universe and marching toward me, we also have the ex-husband trapped in a Shanghai apartment with some girl named "Amy" (yes he calls her that), which is also my sister's name, trapped by the virus which might be okay by me except the unpaid bills and credit denials show up at my house and oops that VPN just is so spotty, isn't it, thank god me and mine are all in my name. Listen, when he went over there it was Anhui first, and I just got out my Anhui bacon log heichas and said "here, drink this rather than all the bother." Now look where he is, stuck in China with all the tea even though he really doesn't drink any and certainly has nowhere near the appreciation. He could have learned it and saved a crap ton of money. He doesn't give two figs about me and my tea issues, I just get emails saying "send masks." At $115 for FedEx Express. This is the sort of thing I am getting right now from China instead of useful information like early harvest reports.

Little dribbles of everything's fine out of Yunnan, but then I haunt the BBC every hour and something is not lining up. I wonder if 2020 is a year people will want to buy or maybe not until 2040, I will be long gone by then so why worry about the tea now? My puerh isn't giving me answers, and for what I have spent on puerh I not only require conversation, it needs to clean my house, do my laundry and rinse the Teforia. Safe and snug in the crocks unlike myself because when I go out every snotty kid makes a beeline toward me and cough cough cough my life grows just a bit shorter and no I won't have time to drink it all, so why buy any when the whole lot is just gonna get pawned off onto the first cash bidder my son can find. At my age I have to think about this shit whereas most of you are probably under thirty, nay under twenty I bet, and all your consideration is how to store and not where your corpse is gonna go and hongcha in the a.m. isn't a problem when you are still on Starbucks. Just wait when it all happens to you and I don't expect anyone will remember old Cwyn said it, when you get old with nothing but your puerh to keep you company, you can't buy more and no one is shipping either. Everywhere I look is end times. I tried an AA meeting but they kicked me out for trolling. I guess tea addiction doesn't count.

Okay, the benzo isn't working and I need some retail therapy. Yunnan Sourcing has a black tea sale this weekend, code BGW15. I haven't checked Yunnan Sourcing in awhile, the US site. To help me get off the Tazo and temazo I buy 2018 Drunk on Red and something called "Yuchi Rhythm 21 Organic Nectar Melody Bug Bitten Black Tea" which reminds me of a teenage grope in the poison ivy down by the lake. I really want the 2019 Man Gang Hong from Bang Dong, it's only $35 but I can resist it just thinking of what this bug bit tea is gonna do for me. In the meantime, I think I will go drink some puerh.


  1. This is a legendary post - it truly feels like "Tea in the end times"

  2. Just in case I get more questions: https://www.teaformeplease.com/can-you-get-coronavirus-from-chinese-tea/

  3. > In the meantime, I think I will go drink some puerh.

    Solid choice.

  4. Laughed my ass off reading this! Thank you! I needed that!

    We've got quite a few spring 2020 teas on the site. You can bet your sweet bippie that the Yunnan government lifted the domestic travel restrictions just in time for the tea harvest to proceed. Life without tea... it's just not gonna happen!