Fundraiser Getting Close!
 |
 |
Therapist. Good morning! I’m glad to see everyone here today
taking the first step in dealing with your problem.
Betty. Is this the Tea group?
Jeff. I don’t have a problem.
Therapist. The first step in making positive changes in our
lives is recognizing the issues and the symptoms which lead to difficulties.
Ray. My probation officer sent me here.
Betty. My husband says I have a tea problem. I’ve been
thinking about it, but really he wants to throw out my cakes which is a bigger
issue.
Therapist. What cakes are these? Like chocolate cake?
Betty. No. My puerh cakes.
Therapist. Your pu errr cakes…I don’t think I’ve ever tasted a
pu errr cake before.
Betty. Of course not.
Therapist. Well, this group is for tea addiction. The Sugar
group meets at eleven.
Ray. I don’t think she knows what a puerh cake is.
Tom. I’m guessing not.
Ray. Lady, a puerh cake is a type of tea.
Betty. Yes, they have certain recipes.
Therapist. So you do bake them?
Ray. No, she orders them. Online.
Therapist. So a…pu errr cake has a recipe?
Tom. It’s spelled puer-h.
Ray. No, it isn’t. It’s puer.
Jennifer. I think it’s pu’er actually.
Tom. Pu-er cha, Are we going to argue the pinyin? Because if
we are really gonna I have Pleco on my phone.
Jennifer. Well, I have Babelcarp on my Twitter feed.
Therapist. You are supposed to turn off your phone for
group. Now, I’m guessing that pu errr is really a type of tea you are talking
about?
Ray. No.
Betty. Yes it is. My spouse thinks I have too much.
Therapist. So what does the recipe you are talking about
have to do with it?
Fred. An example would be a Xiaguan 8653. Starts with an X.
Therapist. Sha--Zee ahh…what?
Fred. Xiaguan 8653.
Therapist. I see you must know a lot about this pu errr tea.
Ray. Damn right!
Fred. Some guy told me on TeaChat back in the day that 05
Xiaguan 8653 sucks. Turned out his one is the last batch of the year...a thin, paper
non ironcake.
Tom. Yup, no accounting for taste.
Fred. He paid 1/3 the
price I paid, but the satisfaction is probably 1/10 or less.
Therapist. Okay, let’s get back to the topic. We are discussing
tea addiction. Does anyone else want to share what kind of tea is your
particular addiction?
Fred. There’s several different 2005 productions of that
8653, some with significant differences in quality and a large price variation.
Therapist. Anyone?
Betty. I have a little oolong in the cupboard someplace.
Therapist. Okay.
Jennifer. I used to drink matcha but now I think it tastes
like dirt.
Fred. This is the list of 8653 made in ‘05. Jan/Feb 2005. Thick
paper Traditional Fonts 8653 iron.
Tom. Got that one.
Fred. 2005 Thick paper Traditional Fonts 8653 non-iron.
Tom. Drank mine.
Therapist. Anyone else?
Fred. March 2005, Thick paper Simplified Fonts 8653 iron.
Tom. Buddy wanted to trade me for a bit of that. I said
forget it.
Therapist. I mean, what other kinds of tea do you collect?
Betty. Never swap tea, heaven only knows where it’s been.
Fred. Then we have 2005 Thick paper Simplified Fonts 8653
non iron.
Betty. People and their dog hair, bedbugs, mold, cigarette
smoking, pubic hair--
Therapist. Okay that's fine. What I want to focus on now is the
harm caused by tea addiction. Ray, can you share your recent issue with
housing?
Ray. Yeah, some cop arrested me after my neighbors
complained about the stink from my apartment. I told ‘em it’s shou puerh and
nothing to worry about. Landlord wanted in, I said ****off.
Fred. In July ‘05 we had Thin paper Simplified Fonts 8653
iron cakes.
Ray. So the landlord calls the fire inspector. Says I am a
fire hazard, too much tea. Told him I was getting a pumidor, but Restore can’t
deliver it for two weeks.
Tom. Wine cooler, or old fridge?
Ray. Old fridge. Kinda dorm-ish, but bigger. My goal was to
clear off the sofa.
Jennifer. I just keep mine in the kitchen.
Betty. Oh, god, seriously?
Ray. Next thing you know, I get an eviction notice slapped on
my door.
Therapist. Thank you, Ray. Now here we have an example of
the harm caused by what we call hoarding, a type of obsessive-compulsive
disorder.
Fred. Also in July 2005, we got Thin paper Simplified Fonts
8653.
Tom. Yeah I don’t think that one compares with the iron
cake, but it’s arguable.
Ray. Hey I want you to know that landlord booted me because
he could rent market rate to his cousin. I know that for a fact. Had nothing to
do with my tea.
Therapist. I think your probation includes no tea shopping.
Jennifer. Geez, where are you living now?
Ray. In my storage garage. I got the rest of my collection
in there.
Betty. Maybe you just need to keep your tea in the garage
instead of at home.
Ray. Yeah, but what about the winter?
Therapist. So Ray is currently homeless and living with his
tea. This is an extreme example, but hoarding can lead to homelessness and
spousal problems.
Betty. Oh, that’s so true. My spouse is a huge problem.
Jennifer. I know, right?
Fred. FT also commissioned the "logo cakes" FT8653-5
iron and FT8653-5. FT means for the Taiwan market.
Tom. Taiwan storage sucks, I’m sorry.
Betty. I just keep mine in crocks like Cwyn does.
Tom. Cwyn doesn’t know shit.
Therapist. Language, please.
Fred. The difficulties with storage involve aerobic and
anaerobic processes of fermentation. If you close up the tea you only get
anaerobic. Need circulation.
Ray. See that’s why I got the fridge. Now I need to get it
delivered to the storage garage.
Tom. A fridge is just as bad, all that plastic and rubber
sealing.
Betty. But my tea smells real good.
Ray. You gotta own your home, otherwise the government’s
gonna tell you what to do.
Fred. But the FT logo cakes are typically milder than the usual
iron pressings for the Chinese market or the minority market.
Therapist. Fred, I need to stop you right here. We will not
tolerate slurs against minorities at the mental health center.
Fred. I mean the Chinese minorities like the tribes in
Mongolia or Tibet.
Therapist. I’m talking about people of color. And I need you
to stop that right now. Does anyone else see a problem here?
Jennifer. I do. Can anyone tell me if the mail’s delivering,
I got tea club stuck in customs.
Betty. Oh, I hate that.
Ray. Lady, do you know anything at all whatsoever about
puerh tea? Because if not, I’m leaving.
Fred. Minorities is the correct term in China. But like I
was saying, the Taiwan taste is somewhat milder than the Chinese market, hence
the special pressings of the 8653-5 done back in 2005. So the 5 tells you what year
and you can recognize the FT that way.
Tom. For most people FT is just a phase. Tuition tea.
Fred. Depends, sometimes the price structure is affected,
but the good news is nobody fakes these.
Tom. True that.
Therapist. What steps can you take to begin to reduce tea
hoarding and addiction?
Ray. Pray?
Jennifer. Oh god.
Betty. What?
Tom. Exactly.
Jennifer. Just got a tweet. White2Tea is having a Mystery
Sale.
Therapist. One step you can take is to try and focus on the
triggers that spur your need to collect. These triggers can include moments of
stress, such as a bad day at work, or maybe a lack of sleep the night before.
These are accompanied by a rise in blood pressure which can, for example,
increase the need for dopamine response in the brain.
Let me share with you a brochure I have on triggers, I have
a whole box right here if you need more.
Wait. Where did everyone go?
 |
I absolutely deny that I have problem acquiring too much tea. I find it very easy. Worse still I have problem acquiring tea pots. I found myself buying one a little while ago, just I case the similar one I have got broken. No hope for me, I guess!
ReplyDeleteI doubt the meds would work on you. 😉
Delete