; Cwyn's Death By Tea: Obsessed by Tea and How to Know ;

Monday, October 13, 2014

Obsessed by Tea and How to Know

Under your bed is a box of tea that nobody knows about.

You've calculated in grams how long your stash will last.

You smell sheng at the office.

Your co-workers smell sheng at the office.

The kitchen canisters are full of samples.

At least one item in the kitchen is made from cherry bark.

More than one item is made with bamboo.

Your monthly VAT exceeds your pre-tax retirement deduction.

More than half your Facebook friends are tea drinkers.

Another third are tea dealers.

Baking soda is a friend.

You agree to eat at a nice Asian restaurant, but you're worried about the tea.

A tea ceremony doesn't include food.

You've gong fu brewed coffee and it works.

When cleaning the fridge you find a bag of sencha from last year.

Old teapots are sexy.

The living room lamp sits on a puerh fridge.

And the puerh fridge is full.

You can't remember if you emptied your tea table.

More than one saved Ebay search contains the word "gaiwan."

The wife takes your dry cleaning to Harney & Sons.

Your tea table has three pots of steeped leaves you can't throw out yet.

Someone drinks from your forgiveness cup.

You drank too much and now you can't sleep.

The holidays are coming up and you're afraid people will give you tea.

The holidays arrive and people do give you tea.

You pour shou into your sheng cup.

When the cats want your attention, they knock over your tea pets.

The leftover rice has tea leaves in it.

That kung fu movie had no tea leaves in it.

Kung fu is really about needing that stone tea table.

More than half your Bookmarks are tea shops.

A cake is just a sample.
The mailman starts delivering the neighbor's packages to your door, and doesn't bother to get your signature.

Your partner un-friends Yunnan Sourcing from your Facebook.

The backseat of your car has more than one tea thermos.

And the front seat has tea stains.

All your cups have tea stains.

The kitchen counter has tea stains.

The kitchen sink has tea stains.

The bathtub has tea stains.

The computer desk has tea stains.

So does the the bedside table.

And the kids' shirts.

You insist that mold is drinkable, and so is fungus.

No one else drinks water from your bamboo charcoal carafe.

That cake is a fake, but you buy it anyway.
It's not a fake, it's a tiepai.

Good news deserves a cuppa.

Bad news can wait until after the cuppa.

You've seriously considered the puerh.sk t-shirt.

When friends say "let's get drunk" you put the kettle on.

The kettle has an international plug adapter.

You're saving for Black Friday tea sales.

Teadb.org is a possible tax shelter.

More than one package is in Customs right now.

What she thought was a condom is really an oolong.

You see a white wrapper Tuo from White2Tea at the corner shop, and then realize it's a ham and cheese on a bun.

When you're honest with yourself, you know you'll never drink it all.

You do know the real final fantasy avatar Cloud is a puerh blogger.
Last Thoughts is what you drank before bed.

Being objective about tea is an idea you take seriously.

Five or more of these statements applied to you.

But more than ten are likely.

And you probably need to pee now.


  1. you might want to bullet or number these.

    also - what's your facebook?

    1. Thought about numbers, but I'm trying to out-do Robert Pinsky without the ABC. As for Facebook, that one actually does not apply to me. I mainly use Facebook to spy on my son.

  2. Yes! All of these things are my life :)

    1. Thanks for stopping, I really appreciate it! :)

    2. Wait, I just saw volcanic rocks on your blog. I need me some of those.

  3. Oh - more than ten, but I can't say exactly how many as according to my therapist I am in denyal.
    Andy P

    1. That's what she said. I'm betting she sips tea in front of you during your session. If you quit tea she'll have to go back to smoking.

  4. Replies
    1. Nice to meet you. I don't remember writing any of this, it was on my computer when I woke up from that shu of yours.

    2. Paul? Paul who? Wait I smell biscuits and gravy...

  5. "You insist that mold is drinkable, and so is fungus."

    Because of this statement there is tea on my display.

    1. Fungus cake arrived today, thank the gods.