Mother’s
Day 2020
Dear
Prioress__,
I
can hardly believe more than two years have passed since I last wrote. I was
not sure I would write again, but as before you walked through one of my
dreams, this time in the company of Prioress K. I remember from my days
at your house. So, I write now on a friendly whim, waving to you and her, if
she is still with you. My odd menopausal (yes) dreams send me on many a whim,
they speak my age. I take comfort in the fact you are older than I am, oh so snitty,
but one of us must be older, right? I’m glad it is not me. Though of course you
are still a young thing in the religious life for some, and I am sure an
occasional reminder of that from a fellow sister is not too unwelcome.
Today
I enjoyed reviewing the monastery website, really it is so well crafted and a
pleasant journey to peruse. Though I felt sorry to see Sister T. passed in January, I read her obit several times. She got more lovely to look
at as she got older, only one of her many gifts. I recognize more than a few
names on the obituaries, and of course of my own bunch I know them all. My
brain doesn’t process all those names, and I carry on as though everyone is
still with us, trying to tell what stories I can of them. I know I am one of
the few people left who remembers my own people. At any rate, I enjoyed the
photos especially of the chapel. Easy to look at the spring flowers here and
remember how pretty the grounds are at the college.
That’s
the best I can say of today, for I can only imagine the challenges before you
with the college shut and everything to worry about with this wretched
pandemic. The messages on the website have a transparent, open feel which I
really appreciate. I know of other sites that don’t address the pandemic quite
so directly other than perhaps a donation made or some such.
The
difficulty with servant leadership is when people want an absolute dictator rather
than take on the challenge of collegiality. I remember learning from one of my
own leaders that for her the leadership challenge during a painful period of
history was not the decisions made but living forever with second guessing
whether anything else should have been done. That and probably grieving the
period longer than anyone else did. I imagine the Liturgy of the Hours with the
schedule is sustaining, one has the next hour to go to.
As
for me I am well, and probably have more time for contemplation than the average
monastic for I am not too busy these days. I have time to write and think as I
had hoped for much earlier in my life than is probably true of most people.
Though it may not seem so from this letter, I am not terribly inclined to dwell
on the past but find myself interested in what is going on now. Certainly we
are in the most unusual of times.
Where
I live people don’t truly understand the need to self-isolate, the mentality is
a child being told what to do by a parent and thus no one wants to go along
with the state plan. They don’t see the horrible decisions resulting from
overwhelming the hospitals, that of deciding who gets precious resources and
who might not, and who might not live. Thus far we have avoided this scenario
in my area, but lord only knows the same could happen later this year with
winter. I hate to say so but the difference seems to run between those with
some education and those without, for anyone given the old classroom problem of
who goes off the drowning boat recognizes the awful situation at once. If no
one got the problem of who to throw off the boat, you never think about the
reality of a situation happening with shared resources, when they run out. No, too
many people just think they are being dictated to by an overlord rather than
accepting their part in collegial living. Funny how people don’t want that
overlord but then suddenly they do. Growing pains. I knew a W. Franciscan
Sister V. once who used to always ask “when will society make a leap, do
you think we are in a leap?” She always felt the leap was just before us, and perhaps
it is just ahead but some days this feels like chasing a carrot on a long
stick. I am no gentle help myself, the gifts I bring are either humor or sharp
chaos.
My
dream is always I am naked in the chapel. Tell your newly professed they can
avoid the naked chapel dreams as long as they stay.
I’m
down to a very few college pals staying in touch. We were informed that our class had the worst record for staying in touch and gathering, and it’s
probably true. Most recently I stayed in touch with F. and also Sister S. S. recently removed her Facebook account for some reason. I can’t
really blame her, I’m not a huge fan of Facebook myself. The way it tracks people,
I feel like I need a digital or actual shower after viewing it, I clear out
caches frantically afterward. Unfortunately, most of my friends and family use
it to stay in touch so I can’t completely disengage.
In
S’s case, I wonder if the Catherine Cesnik movie had anything to do
with it, the backlash against the SSNDs was uncalled for. I offered to help
with that case because I can access the seminary archives in Baltimore, the requirement
to get in is having a deceased family member seminarian, and I do. My father
went to the same seminary in Baltimore and was in the same class as the priests
in the film. But they wanted me to work on something else I didn’t have qualifications
for, some sort of police trace work. The only bit I felt I could qualify to do
is the seminary records, so I declined.
Otherwise,
I am trying to stay as healthy as I can. I live with my son and we have two
cats, and an elderly man with mental illness who lives with us and has for many
years. He went through an episode recently which was challenging, and he has
these every so often. I hope he can stay healthy because during the episode he
didn’t understand the need to stay home. But now he is doing better and stays
home more.
I
hope this letter was not too much a burden to read, I send you thoughts and prayers.
